JOKES 

Kiddies Korner 

"Whenever my kids are having trouble at school, I like to tell them about myself when I was a kid. I wasn't very big, I wasn't the smartest, I wasn't the best in sports and, yes, I did get beat-up a lot. Unfortunately, that's where the story ends, so it doesn't usually cheer them up much."

Everyone’s been there at some time or other.  It’s raining cats and dogs outside, the kids stare longingly through the window at the outside world, and heave a sigh of unequivocal boredom.  The PlayStation can’t cut the mustard, and there’s nothing worth watching on T.V.  What to do?  Well, hopefully this section can suggest a few ideas.  This first batch of ideas is aimed at a younger audience of 4-8 year olds. 

Dog Biscuits/Dog Cookies

This project is rated EASY to do.

A gift your pet will surely enjoy. Bake, wrap, and give today or any holiday for your dog.

Parental supervision is recommended with the use of an oven.

What You Need :

1/2 cup Cornmeal

6 tablespoons Oil

2/3 cup Water or meat broth

2 cup Whole wheat flour

Rolling pin or drinking glass with straight sides

Cookie cutters (bone shaped would be fun)

Cookie sheet

Use of an oven 

How To Make It:

Mix dry ingredients together, add wet ingredients.

Use your hands to mush it up well. If it feels too dry, add a few drops of water. If it feels too wet, add a teaspoon of flour at a time until it feels soft but not sticky. Careful not to over-mush or the dough will get tough.

Roll out about 1/4" thick on a flour dusted surface, cut out with any shape of cookie cutters. Place on cookie sheet.

Bake at 350 degrees F, about 30-35 minutes, or until lightly golden.

Be sure to let cool before giving to your pet!

This project was contributed by:

Karen Ivens, 3/00

Patriotic Jigglers

Make some cool red, white and blue sweets to celebrate the day.

This project is rated EASY to do.

What You Need:

Two packages (4 serving size) or One package (8 serving size) any flavour red JELL-O/Jelly

Two packages (4 serving size) or One package (8 serving size) blue JELL-O

Whipped topping (It's easier if you have the kind in the can)

2 1/2 cups boiling water

Mixing bowls

Measuring cups

Rubber scraper or large spoon

Table knife

Two 11 x 7 pans (Or you can do it in one pan, one flavour at a time)

Clear plastic cups (4 to 6 ounce size)

Small star-shaped cookie cutters (optional)

Large tray

Cherries (optional)

How To Make It:

Pour one flavour of gelatine into the mixing bowl. Add 1 1/4 cups of the boiling water and use the rubber scraper to stir until all of the gelatine has dissolved (about two minutes). Pour the mixture into one of the pans. Repeat with the other flavour of JELL-O.

Put the pans into the refrigerator and let the JELL-O chill for about three hours.

Put about an inch of warm water into the sink. Dip just the bottom of the pan (don't let the water come up over the sides) into the water for 15 seconds.

Wash your hands thoroughly. Use the star-shaped cookie cutters or the table knife to cut shapes. Use your hands to lift out the shapes onto another tray. Repeat with both flavours.

Make a thin layer of blue jigglers, then a layer of whipped cream, then a layer of red jigglers, and then another layer of whipped cream. Top with a cherry if you would like and then enjoy!

This project was contributed by:

Kim Moon, 6/98

Hints n’ Tips 

Change your Look

Scanning Resolutions

Sorting it Out

Getting Started

Leftover Scraps

Change your Look 

Bored with the green background, grey task bar and window borders?

Well then change them then – every element of the windows desktop can be coloured to your tastes.  Simply right-click on a clear part of the desktop, click on properties, then on the appearance tab.

The ‘window of windows’ in this dialogue box shows what your changes will look like when you click apply or OK.  You can select from a pre-defined range of colour schemes by clicking on the down-pointing arrow underneath the scheme legend – Plum is a nice one – or you can define your own.  Just select a desktop item from the Item drop-down list and then click on a colour or font title and size.

If it all goes horribly wrong, just select Windows standard from the end of the preset schemes list.

Hints and tips menu

Scanning Resolutions 

When you’re scanning colour photos, it’s tempting to think that the higher the resolution you select, the better your finished output will be.  This, however, is the route to files that are large and difficult to manage, to say nothing of your hard disk space being gobbled up.  As a general rule, if you’re scanning a picture to be incorporated in a card or poster to be printed on a standard inkjet printer, then around 300 dpi should be fine, unless you plan to enlarge the picture considerably.  And if you’re planning on putting the picture onto a web page, then around 100 dpi will be quite satisfactory.

Hints and tips menu

Sorting it Out

If your Internet Mail Inbox is overflowing with messages, it’s time for a tidy-up – so why not make a collection of folders and sort your messages into their appropriate places.

Click on File, Folder and then Create.  Type in a name for the folder and click on OK.  Right click on a message, select Move To, then highlight the destination folder.  You could easily have a tidy Inbox in minutes!

Hints and tips menu

Getting Started 

When you’re surfing the world wide web, you don’t need to start every journey from your Internet Provider’s homepage.  If you have a favourite site you like to go to every time you connect, why not set that to be your starting point.

In Internet Explorer 3, you do this by clicking on the View menu and then on Options.  Click the navigation tab – then either type in the U.R.L. of the web page you want or, if your looking at it, click Use Current.

You’ll find this on the General tab if you’re using Internet Explorer 4.  Additionally, you can click Use Blank – this will start you surfing without delay.

In Netscape Navigator, click on Options and then on General Preferences.  Double click in the Start With box and type in the U.R.L. of the page that you want.  Then click on OK.

Hints and tips menu

Leftover Scraps 

The Windows 95 clipboard can be incredibly useful.  Cut or copy something out to the clipboard, and paste it back in to the same document later, or into a different document, or even into a different program.

But, as soon as you copy something else, the previous item is deleted.  Get round this by creating “Scraps” – for example, in word 97, highlight some text, then drag it using the right mouse button on to the desktop.  Release the button and select “Create Scrap Here” from the pop - up menu.  Make as many scraps as you need in this way, and you have quick access to them while you work.

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George Washington “Did you Know’s” 

Did George Washington chop down a cherry tree?

No. The story, known to schoolchildren for generations, seems to have been invented by a man named Mason Weems shortly after Washington's death. Ironically, the story was intended to show how honest Washington was.

Did George Washington have wooden teeth?

No. He did have false teeth, but they were not made of wood. They were actually made of a cow's tooth, one of Washington's own teeth, hippopotamus ivory, metal and springs. They fit poorly, which may be one reason you never see Washington smile in portraits.

Did George Washington really throw a silver dollar across the Potomac River?

No. The Potomac River is over a mile wide and not even Washington had that good an arm. And, there were no silver dollars when he was a child!

Was George Washington the first President to live in the White House?

George Washington is the only U.S. President who never lived in the White House. It was not completed until after his presidency, although he did help select the site of the new capital city and the executive mansion. As President, Washington first lived in New York and later, Philadelphia.

How many children did George and Martha Washington have?

None. George Washington had no children, however, there were always children at Mount Vernon. Martha was a widow with two young children when they married and her children were raised by Washington as if they were his own. Later, he and Martha raised two of her grandchildren at Mount Vernon, as well. Thus, although there were children at Mount Vernon, there are no direct descendents of George Washington.

Did George Washington wear a wig?

No. Even though wigs were fashionable, Washington kept his own hair, which he wore long and tied in a pony tail or queue in the back. He did powder his hair, which was the custom of the day.

When was George Washington born?

George Washington was actually born on February 11, 1732, however, in 1752 the American colonies switched from the Julian calendar to the Gregorian calendar. The switch involved shifting dates by 11 days. Thus George Washington subsequently celebrated his birthday on February 22 and to this day that is the date we celebrate as his birth date.

Other fascinating facts: Did you know?

George Washington never attended college. The death of his father brought an end to his formal schooling. Although he was self-taught, Washington believed education was very important. In fact, he helped establish one of the first free schools in this country in Alexandria, Virginia and left property in his will to establish a national university (which became today's Washington and Lee University).

George Washington was the only founding father to free his slaves. He inherited ten slaves from his father at the age of 11. Slavery had been around for thousands of years and was widely accepted. By the end of Washington's life, over 300 African American slaves lived at Mount Vernon. His attitude toward slavery changed as he grew older. He emancipated his slaves in his will and his estate paid pensions for decades.

George Washington holds the record as the U.S. President who wrote the most. His letters, accounts, diaries and other records surpass those of every other person who held the office of President. The current publication of his writings is projected to fill 97 volumes and will not be finished for many years.

George Washington introduced the mule to America. George Washington considered himself first and foremost a farmer. His study of agriculture convinced him that mules (the offspring of a donkey and a horse) were better suited to farm work than horses. When he introduced mules to Mount Vernon in the 1780's, he was proven right. Mules soon became the work animal of choice in the United States.

George Washington was the first man to sign the U.S. Constitution. He attended as a delegate from Virginia and was chosen to be the presiding officer of the Constitutional Convention. As such, he was the first to sign the new government charter upon its completion.

George Washington was physically strong and active. Thomas Jefferson described him as "the best horseman of his age." Washington also loved fox hunting and he usually broke his own horses. He also loved dancing and music. He was considered very tall, standing 6 feet 2 inches in height.

George Washington declined the opportunity to be King. At the end of the Revolution, a number of Army officers said America should have a King or Emperor, and wanted to give the job to Washington. He opposed the idea and prevented the officers from carrying out a planned military takeover of the country in 1783. Later that year, Washington and his officers voluntarily resigned their military positions.

Thank-you for taking the time to read TWC.  If you have any comments, suggestions or complaints then please send an email to [email protected]  Your opinion matters!